


No Need to Hide

by friendlyneighborhoodfairy



Series: FNF's Nonbinary Month fics 2020 [5]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Comfort Sex, Cunnilingus, F/F, Face-Fucking, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Loud Sex, Pettiness, Semi-Public Sex, Trans Female Character, Yumichika being a lovely bitch, genderbent character, in that their subordinates can hear everything they're doing through the wall lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27461152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/pseuds/friendlyneighborhoodfairy
Summary: Yumichika is frustrated by her body, by not feeling like who she is, by all the ways the world is not perfect. Ikkaku comforts her and is strong, and Yumichika remembers there is no need to hide her insecurities when it comes to her girlfriend.
Relationships: Ayasegawa Yumichika/Madarame Ikkaku
Series: FNF's Nonbinary Month fics 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843501
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13
Collections: Nonbinary Month 2020





	No Need to Hide

**Author's Note:**

> Bleach (Yumikka) + trans woman. F/F pairing.

Yumichika paced with vicious steps.

She hated Seireitei. Hated it. They couldn’t do here what the Living World could. Couldn’t fix her. She’d hoped that coming back after her recent long sojourn, her body would just be…the way it was supposed to be. Like it had been in the Living World, where her gigai was _her._ Or that it wouldn’t bother her. Or…

She’d just kind of tried not to think about it.

But no. Here, everything was _wrong._

“Oi!” Ikkaku’s voice outside made her startle out of her pacing. “You there? It’s time to go.”

After tying her obi more securely and doing a quick mirror-check, she said, “Coming!”

Ikkaku was before their barracks house looking stunning as always. She’d ripped off the sleeves of her uniform to show off her biceps, and _goddess,_ they were biceps worth looking at. She kept her head shaved close, and it was a good look on her, highlighting her strong and graceful lines. Yumichika loved her.

“You look radiant, darling,” Yumichika said, kissing Ikkaku’s cheek as she swirled past. “Ready to give some newbies what for?”

“I…” Ikkaku had a tendency to lose her train of thought when Yumichika _swirled._ “Right. Yes?”

Yumichika snorted. “Your own words; ‘what for.’ I was the one who told you to be nice.”

“You also told me to not be _too_ nice,” Ikkaku said with a smirk that had Yumichika’s brain lighting up with _take me now_.

She hid her lingering physical discomfort behind a smile, and the pair strode toward the training grounds where several new officers of the Eleventh were awaiting their initiation mission. Being Eleventh, they were likely too dumb to be scared, but they would be nervous soon enough. Yumichika would be sure of that.

The day was sunny now that Ikkaku was here. Yumichika could smile and forget. Ikkaku was great at helping her forget.

#####

Ikkaku lit the candle in the small room while Yumichika fluffed the futons. They _could_ flash-step back to the Eleventh, but many of their new officers were not that fast, and the rest were injured, so they were being good leaders and staying the night in this dank border town in the fifty-fourth district while their newbies recovered.

Yumichika was still trying to make the futons look more appealing and comfortable several moments later. Ikkaku hated having this conversation with her back, but she couldn’t wait any longer.

“You don’t have to ignore it all the time,” she said, her attempt at a careful segue.

“Hm?” Yumichika’s voice was as honeyed as usual. “Ignore what, darling? How gorgeous you are?” Yumichika turned large, dark eyes on her. “But if I didn’t try my _hardest_ to ignore your arms, I would get nothing done. Believe me. Your muscles are probably the reason three people are injured.”

Ikkaku couldn’t help a crooked grin. “You saying it’s my fault?”

“Oh, no,” Yumichika said in mock apology. She rose and came over, placing her hands on Ikkaku’s shoulders and gazing into her eyes. “It’s not your fault you’re built like a goddess.”

Those gorgeous, dark eyes were irresistible. Ikkaku caved and leaned in to kiss her, lips finding Yumichika’s but, after a faint touch, diverting to kiss across her jaw to suck at her earlobe.

“Oh,” Yumichika said in breathy surprise.

“Mm,” Ikkaku growled, pulling her in close.

Wait. Not what she wanted to do.

“Darling,” Ikkaku said into her neck, and felt Yumichika stretch upward under the endearment, “I know you’re not feeling alright.”

“Me?” Yumichika said vaguely, leaning closer to Ikkaku’s mouth.

“Mm. You can’t hide from me. I love you, and I know you.”

Yumichika turned mean when she was upset. Petty and biting and _beautiful._ Ikkaku found it undeniably hot when Yumichika was angry, smacking heads and unleashing her zanpakuto when they were supposed to be letting the newbies do that. But Ikkaku could also see behind the harsh words Yumichika flung at their subordinates. Even if the criticisms were valid, the extra ruthlessness was unnecessary—hiding deeper things.

“You know I love you,” Ikkaku went on, when Yumichika said nothing. She wrapped her arms more fully around Yumichika—knowing she loved that—and bent down to press her mouth against Yumichika’s shoulder. It was so tempting to start stripping her shihakushou off and get physical. Physical was how Ikkaku best communicated.

But Yumichika was a words person, which meant Ikkaku’s words mattered.

“I do know,” Yumichika said silkily. “I know it because of how good you are at showing me.”

Oh, goddess. This was going to be hard to resist.

“Please, Yumi.” Ikkaku pulled back to look her in the eye. “What’s wrong?”

Yumichika scowled. “Nothing was wrong until you stopped kissing me and started looking at me like that.”

Ikkaku stood her ground, gazing into Yumichika’s eyes.

Yumichika sighed.

“I don’t want to think about it,” she huffed honestly. “I don’t feel right, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it, so talking about it will only remind me _why I’m pissed._ ”

Ikkaku didn’t back down at the glare Yumichika leveled at her. She’d handled this before. And now she knew what she was working with.

“Your body’s lovely, Yumi.”

Yumichika hmphed. “Not lovely enough.”

“Because of your chest?”

When Yumichika turned away, Ikkaku wrapped her arms around her from behind and cupped her flat breasts, one in each palm. Even with fabric between them, Ikkaku got hot just holding her like this.

“Because of your nose that I take so much joy in kissing? Because of that delectable chin you have that is the reason your glares make people straighten their spines?”

“Yes,” Yumichika hissed, but the anger in her voice was sad and weak. “All of it. Take your pick.”

#####

Ikakku just hummed and held Yumichika tighter. Yumichika was stiff in her arms, trying not to yield, trying not to _feel better_ so easily, like it was that simple to solve the problem.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Ikkaku murmured into her neck. “I wish I could make it better.”

Yumichika bit her lip for a moment longer, finally letting her spine bend to fit the mold of Ikkaku’s embrace.

“You do,” Yumichika whispered.

“I wish I could do more.”

“I don’t have to hide with you.” Yumichika took a deep breath and let it out. It was the truth. “You’re strong enough.”

“Strong enough for both of us,” Ikkaku hummed happily. “Just like you are. Like that time I almost died and you—”

“Don’t talk about that time,” Yumichika said sharply, feeling her anger threaten to rise again at the memory. “I’m still pissed with you about that.”

“Okay, but my point still stands,” Ikkaku huffed.

“What if I don’t want to be strong?” Yumichika murmured. “Not right now. What if I want to be weak, and to fall, and let you catch me?”

“That’s okay too,” Ikkaku whispered back. “I’ll always be by your side.”

“Or at my back.”

Ikkaku smiled into her neck. “There are many good positions.”

Yumichika swallowed, feeling her tension from earlier—from the whole day, really—easing out into the space around them.

Sometimes it just needed an acknowledgment. No long conversations, no pointless discussion about something that, currently, couldn’t be changed. Just admitting it was there, and moving on.

“So,” Yumichika said, her hands coming up to cover Ikkaku’s. “Are you just going to taunt me like this, or are you going to do something about what your touch has done to me?”

With a sharp inhale, Ikkaku squeezed her chest, fingers ghosting over nipples through the fabric, and Yumichika gasped.

“How shall I take responsibility?” Ikkaku asked.

#####

The officers sleeping in the next room were traumatized to hear what sounded like _moaning_ through the thin wall. And then thumping, and then—

Actual banging against the wall. Like someone was fucking someone else, hard, and speaking of hard, now they were getting hard or wet, respectively, and why the fuck couldn’t someone speak up and say something and distract them all from what sounded like Ikkaku’s voice moaning, _Yes, yes, again, oh god._

#####

When Ikkaku licked her, Yumichika went off again, right in her face, hands tangled in Ikkaku’s hair and a groan spilling between her lips. Seeing the spark in Ikkaku’s eye, Yumichika pulled Ikkaku up to her level and shoved her fingers between Ikkaku’s slick folds while she licked Ikkaku’s face clean, getting her to come again in less than a minute.

Lying against each other, panting and naked, Yumichika smoothed a hand through Ikkaku’s fuzzy hair and let Ikkaku wrap her up in an embrace. It was both a cuddle and a being-cuddled; protection and comfort.

Yumichika fit her face against Ikkaku’s neck and fell into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Because sometimes that’s what you need: acknowledgement that life’s hard, and a good night’s sleep. A good fuck helps too.
> 
> Next morning, Ikkaku seems a bit sluggish, and everyone pretends they don’t know exactly how many times she got finger-fucked by her girlfriend.
> 
> Tell me what you think ^_^


End file.
